I wish I was a Stepford Wife

Or a Stepford lone parent in my case. Which isn't quite as catchy.

I was always fascinated by that film.  I wondered why a man would prefer a robot to a woman.  And why all their lives seemed so empty.

But I always thought that the essence of a Stepford Wife is that she has no feelings.  She flies through her daily duties, a sunny smile permanently fixed to her face.  Calm and efficient, she is never cross or cranky or tired, she never complains, and never ever yearns for another life.  Why wouldn't everyone enjoy having her around?

Doesn't that sound attractive?  Perhaps if I was a Stepford Wife I would get up with the dawn and have a sparkling kitchen floor and freshly baked bread ready for my children when they wake.

All the household and DIY jobs would follow daily, weekly, monthly and yearly rotas and I would fly through them every morning while the children were in school, as well as all the forms, phone calls, emails, post.  My lucky children would arrive home to more freshly prepared healthy snacks to enjoy followed by help with homework, and lots of friends and activities all perfectly planned to fit the hours until bedtime.

If I couldn't feel, I would never get angry with the kids. I could always remain perfectly calm. Isn't that how a perfect mother should be?  Especially the mother of a child with Asperger's?

Being unemployed or sick would not matter, a Stepford Wife would just take it in her dainty stride.

It really does sound better doesn't it?  Feelings are for the young, surely? The delight of young children with a new toy or a new experience, the passion of young love, and the joy of being a new parent.  They are merely exhausting in middle age.

Now most feelings seem to be about grief.  Grief at the loss of parents, friends or family.  Grief as you and those you love start to lose their health and their youth.  Grief at all the things you have to give up and those you never got to try.  The loss of jobs, ambitions and hope for the future. Fear of what lies ahead for yourself and your children.

Now you have to bottle up feelings, make yourself appreciate all the little things, a shaft of sunlight, a red umbrella, a happy child.

My friends on Facebook often post stuff like this:

"If you go ahead and listen very carefully, you will hear the sound of no one caring."

Says it all really, so I don't moan on Facebook anymore.  Mostly.

But this is MY space.

And until I make it as a Stepford Wife I need somewhere to vent my feelings.

What about you? Do you value your feelings?  Or not?  And how do you vent?


  1. I wouldn't mind having the perfect figure robotised, the perfect hair would be good too. I must say that I do sometimes feel a bit like a Stepford wife when I face cleani.ng the place yet again ("didn't I just do this last week?")

  2. @Midlife Singlemum - I think the 'didn't I clean this last week' thing is more Groundhog Day than Stepford Wives :)

  3. The blog is my vent. With all my potty mouth and bad humor to go along with it. I would shoot myself if I were a Stepford Wife, probably in the foot, but I'd still shoot myself.

  4. @Lizbeth - You might shoot yourself beforehand if it was a threat, but once you were a Stepford Wife you wouldn't care, that's the whole point :)

  5. The world is for the young... which incidentally pisses me off! I hate growing old, looking old and all that s**t. I want to be young again.. Phew, thanks for giving me permission to have a rant!!! I need to start an anonymous blog so I can rant away to my heart's content!! ;)

  6. @Di - oh yes, do start an anonymous blog - but please tell me where to find it! xx

  7. Not a fan of Facebook. You've given me an extra reason not to like it. Nobody is bound to read anything you put on a blog but, if they do . . . it's astonishing how much virtual support there is around and if you Stepfordise all over the place, how would anyone know you need it?

    I am what is called an 'older parent' and 'older parents' are supposed to have more patience than younger parents. In my case - not so. I am very grumpy. Very intolerant. Tend to get very upset about quite small things and am a general pain to live with. (And the house is a tip.) HOWEVER, I console myself by thinking that, if I were able to keep calm and smiling through all adversity, how would my children learn to cope with grumpy old women or how to offer love to the not-exactly-unloveable-but-pretty-irritating-none-the-less sorts they will meet through life? I'm setting them up for a life of being patient and tolerant and understanding that other people 'feel' and not minding when they express it. (I hope!)

  8. @Esther Montgomery - thanks for your thoughtful contribution. From your blog I cannot imagine you as grumpy person, and my kids are already more patient than me, so I can see your point of view :)

  9. If our children were accepted as they are, life would be so much easier. It's not our children who make life difficult. It's trying to get them to fit into this world. Why should they have to change. Life can be so difficult for them!!

  10. @Puzzled - Life would certainly be easier if our special children were accepted, but personally I find this stage in life difficult anyway - but perhaps that's partly because I lost my Dad only a few months ago x

  11. Found your blog through Jane Alexander's. Very good. :)

  12. Excellent post. Have to say I laughed at the cartoon - but then that's because most on Facebook doing the whining are doing so seemingly about stooopid insignificant little things (like someone not texting them back), but I guess I shouldn't judge (I can't help it though! :))

    A blog is what you want it to be and I can't think of a single one where the owner hasn't ranted once or twice. I personally would rather read what real people have to say, rather than those dullard Stepford Wives.

    But then I can be a grumpy impatient sod too.x

  13. I was dying to read this after I saw the title pop up the other day! Unfortunately my body clock being out of synch and normal household duties, definitely of the non-Stepford Wife variety, intervened! You are not nor EVER should be a Stepford Wife. You are too fabulous with a brilliant mind of your own for that ;-)You go and vent whenever and however you please....you certainly make it entertaining reading!

    Great post, well-written :-)

    xx Jazzy

  14. Stepford wife?? that'll be a no then....can you imagine what 550 Cranbrook Road would have been like if we had all been trainee Stepfordies....all stiff aprons and bleach instead of non stop parties and very suspect items lurking in fridges - lol.

    Vent away hun, and celebrate the fact that there is so much more to your life than the monotony of housework. xx

  15. @Beadzoid - oh yes I never intended to BLOG as a Stepford wife, that would be dull x

    @jazzygal - You are so kind :) and the title does seem to intrigue, it seems quite a few people google 'I want to be a Stepford wife', every day! Xx

    @Helen - Actually one Stepford Wife in Cranbrook Road might have been handy to tidy the place up :) xx

  16. OMG, being a Stepford wife would be a nightmare. Constantly saying 'yes' instead of asking 'why' LOL. I suppose there would be a few benefits. We'd smile at the bureaucrats and not feel so drained and exhausted in our daily struggle (as a-team-of-one) to be a decent parent. And when an official rings up to tell me my daughter's respte's been reduced, I'd reply in the gentlest of voices, "Oh thank you for letting me know. That is very kind of you" Instead of thinking all those naughty expletives and so hoping they don't have a nice day.. :)

  17. @Michelle Daly - you can see why other people would like being around a Stepford Wife though :)

  18. I hope whoever posted such a vile comment got deleted from your FB. The hardest thing about being a single parent is having no safe space to vent. I've taught my kids to only vent within the safety of their own four walls, but where does that leave us?